i was actually just gonna email you, moth, asking about reasons to live. you had emailed me reminding me suicide is selfish, well -- that's how we both feel about ourselves, but i tried to convince you that nobody else is selfish for it, or rather that for others selfish isn't the worst thing you can be -- so i was gonna ask you what you had that could inspire me to keep going and not, y'know, be selfish like that.

only to come & find out you're struggling to find anything just as much or even more than i am....i'm sorry.

it's worse at night, for me. in the light of the day....i'll be around for a while. let me know if you need me.

Cars are a pain and I absolutely hate working on mine just to have the ability to look for work and buy my mom grocereies. I feel for you. In my case, I had to do all the repairs myself because nobody in my family is reliable to help.

HAHAHAHA I am like the WORST person to ask about why to live... Sorry, I'm going nuts. I think having control over your life is a big determinant in happiness. I appreciate your concern, guys.

How in the fuck are you guys 'liking' this at this hour? Don't people have lives, and I am the one out of joint?

I know for a fact that you have a stalker

and it's not the government

plot twist: it's the government

sorry, i don't have a job

My formatting sucks ass. Why am I writing here again? Ugh, I will persist with the blog.

Goddammit Dali stop reading my mind and saying things better than me lmao.

Re: fallacy that thoughts are original.

even that thought was not original, i lifted it from UG Krishnamurti, who once said that there are no thoughts which you can truly call your own, they are all pulled from the Akashic records...

when you try to trace back the provenance of any thought, it emanates from an otherworldly source, or your signal is hijacked by the glowies and you start thinking like the archons.

Dali - Hatsune Miku in a CCP military uniform reading Daliwali agitprop

daliwali mentioned - i'm like the opposite of agitation, too chuddy for revolutionary praxis.

I just got an email from Holeinmyheart. Must be a ghost in the machine!!! We will extract the soul and put it in a toaster.

and make it write books.

what's the goth moth cooking?

It's elementary, my dear Jesse -- or high school chemistry, actually -- We're cooking meth.